Locally dorky

I walk into the field of roses With a smile that never falters; Thorns pierce my feet Yet you’ll never see my face alter.  As I walk deeper,  I am surrounded by death eaters, And they keep sucking at my soul now and then But I don’t let them feed off my shine. My glow keeps flickering But it never completely disappears. Then I notice I am walking on thin ice, It cracks, but I tread along without fears.  When, despite smiling through the suffering, Into the ice cold water I keep sinking, I realise I amn’t after all brave, But afraid to face the pain. So, for the first time in ages I let go And let my emotions take control.  I wave the white flag and I surrender to the ache, Let the tears flow, all over my face.  I wait for someone to pull me out, Patiently embracing insecurities that sprout; As I understand it’s okay to not be okay, I feel I can finally breathe, maybe even float over after my time. 

I’m in my safe place Yet the dark silhouette  Follows me everywhere, Creeps into my head,  Leaves me empty and gasping for air. It holds my waist,  Sways me back and forth; I laugh even in the pain,  Trying to ignore its presence, But it won’t let go.  It covers every part of me  And clutches tight; It reminds me of its existence  Each time I breathe right.  It screams in my ears  The cacophony unbearable  And yet I stand still  Pretend to not listen. My insides are burning, Even as on the outside I rejoice, While it sends trembles down my soul, Tickles my fears  In the worst way possible. One thing I am puzzled by  Is what you see. Do you see the shadows lurking Underneath the surface? Or do you just see the obviousness I put out for the world to witness?